I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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