were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
