New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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