I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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