All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
