yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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