OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
