you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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