I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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