I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Do you still have your period?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
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