He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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