True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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