Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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