I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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