god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
