ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
