my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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