my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
