so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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