Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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