I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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