Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
