I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
