you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
