I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Oh god it's open bar.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
