hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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