Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
