Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
