meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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