so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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