"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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