I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
