areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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