What did we do last night that was yellow?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
