Yo dont text me then not text me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
