Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
