I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
