Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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