is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
