Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Omg I joined a choir last night...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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