I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
