The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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