he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Naked Twister starts at high noon
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
