Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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