Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
