I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
