So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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