girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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