I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
