That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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