i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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